Two Steps Forward, One Step Back

As I’ve stated before, my goal is for this blog to be a reflection or a record of my quest for health and happiness, one that I hope can eventually help you with yours.  Unlike some lifestyle blogs however, I want to remain honest and truthful throughout. I don’t think true inspiration can come from someone who never has a setback. Someone may seem like they’re living an idealised life, when really they’re just making smart decisions on what to show to the public. I’ve seen many fitblrs and blogs that end up that way.

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 Gif credit to schmidtsburg.

 

 

 

 

So in the spirit of being truthful, I must admit I’ve hit a stumble. I felt like I was on a roll last month, and decided to aim for an even bigger goal given that I’d successfully met my smaller one. But like with any journey at some point it gets hard, and at the moment I’m feeling like it’s just two steps forward and one step back. Initially I was going to say one step forward and two steps back, but the benefit of writing this blog is that I can see where I was when I started and that offers me much more perspective than memory alone.

For the last couple of weeks, starting not long after I wrote my last post, I’ve been struggling. Every day for about two weeks I’ve been massively oversleeping to the point where I sometimes feel sleep-drunk when I do manage to get up. I’ve not been eating as well as I could be. Exercise and yoga almost seem like foreign terms. And I don’t know what to do.

I know that the sleeping is the main issue. The only time that I didn’t oversleep was when my mother visited me for the weekend. We got up early and had wonderfully full and productive days which may or may not have included spending 4 hours in a bookshop and coming away with 13 new purchases between us.

Afternoon tea

Did I mention there was afternoon tea, too?

Sleep and I have always been not-quite-on-the-same-side. There have been large portions of my life where I’ve not been able to get enough sleep, and similar size parts where I’ve slept far too much. If I don’t get any sleep, after 36 hours I will start violently shaking, scaring all who are near me (yay for very long flights at stupid o’clock in the morning). If I don’t get enough, I’ll feel a bit like death warmed up the next day. But if I get too much, I will feel down and be completely unproductive for at least the next 24 hours, and it kick-starts a vicious cycle. Get too much sleep > can’t fall asleep at usual time > oversleep the next day.

Really I need to be asleep at some time between 11:30-12, and wake up between 7:30 and 8. Recently I’ve been getting up around 9, occasionally sleeping a little past that (thank goodness for working from home). Today I woke up at 10, which doesn’t sound particularly bad except that weekends are usually the one time I can make myself get up at a reasonable hour.

I just can’t stand it. Oversleeping means I don’t feel like doing anything during the day. I don’t feel like going out for a walk even though I know that will make me feel loads better, I don’t even like to think about exercise, and I want to eat all the comfort food. I just want to crawl back into that warm, sleepy blanket cocoon, even though I know that’s making me feel terrible.

But I do need to gain a little perspective. As I said earlier, it’s two steps forward, one step back – not the reverse. As much as I think I’ve been doing terribly the last couple of weeks, I haven’t really. My eating has been worse than it was last month, that’s for sure, but I’m nowhere near where I was back in November. I have done some yoga once or twice, and I’m making more of an effort to get out the house.

This article on How to Become a Morning Person has a couple of good pieces of advice that I technically know but don’t put into action. I’ve been setting three alarms for the last week in the hope that I will get out of bed with one of them, but I can turn all of them off without even sitting up. I’m going to have to start setting one on the other side of the room, so that I literally have to get out of bed to turn it off. I used to be good at eschewing technology before I went to bed, but recently I’ve found myself still on the laptop getting later and later.

The final piece of advice however, build a morning routine, is something that I long for but have really trouble setting up, and I think it’s linked to why I’ve been oversleeping in the first place.

I would love to have a morning routine. I’ve longed for ages to be the sort of person who can get up early, do some yoga, have time for a shower, cup of tea and breakfast before leaving to go to work. I’ve wanted the chance to do a bit of morning meditation, or writing morning pages, and many other things that I feel might make the day flow a bit more smoothly. But for the past year, I’ve had lots of mornings where I’ve had to leave the house early – either 7:20 to get a desk in the office for just after 8, or 6:45 in order to get the 7:30 train down south.

I can get up and get to work on time, but I always rush. I don’t get up early enough for anything more than getting ready and running out of the house – breakfast can be bought at the station or the office. As a result, whenever I had the chance to NOT get up early – e.g. most Fridays, I’d have a lie-in until around 8 or 8:30, in order to be online working from home by 9.

Recently though I’ve been working from home continually. There’s been no need for me to wake up ridiculously early, and to conserve sleep when I can. But my brain doesn’t seem to have realised that, and that is why I believe I had no problem waking up early when my mother was visiting – and we had brunch plans for first thing in the morning – but have major difficulty waking up during the week, when I don’t have to go anywhere and am working from home. As much as I want to build a morning routine, my brain doesn’t seem to have realised the benefits it would bring – because it’s not how I’ve spent the last year (or, to be honest, my entire life bar a few weeks here and there).

But I’m going to try and turn things around. I’ve been holding onto the bandwagon by a thread, I haven’t fallen off completely. Two weeks seems long enough to suffer and make things more difficult for myself, it’s time to put a bit of effort into climbing back on and making everything else a lot easier. My alarm clock is going to be put on the other side of the room. I’m going to make some early morning plans that I can’t back out of (Monday 8am tennis in the cold anyone?). I’ve got to bully myself into believing that showing up to my own routine is just as important as showing up to work on time.

We’ll see how it goes.

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