You might have noticed that some time has passed between my last post (in which I talk about how I will provide updates here on how my 100 days of healthy is going) and this one. Not as much time as has passed between previous posts, but still we are approaching a good four weeks without a single update here on how everything is going.
The reason for that is two-fold, although perhaps they can be considered the same thing. The first being that I started a new project at work, and the second is that I completely lost sight of how to manage my time well.
The new project at work is still out of town, however rather than flying up to Edinburgh each week I will now get the train up to Birmingham – a shorter commute that means I can get up slightly later on a Monday and get home earlier on a Thursday. But it’s a much busier project, and the last three weeks (the first few of this project) have been a bit manic. I had one day to get to grips with the workstream I now own before the previous owner left, and I spent the first two weeks trying to put everything into some semblance of order and trying not to break down.
I’m one of the people working the fewest hours at the moment, and I get there before 9 and leave close to 7. I know this is normal for some, but the end of my last project was so quiet that I was doing a 9-5 with little to do for the last few weeks of it. Having a busy 9-7 is a very different thing, especially when you’re trying to get your head around completely new things with tight deadlines that are coming up very soon. It was stressful.
I’ve fallen into that trap again of not writing anything because I’m concerned that I need to be perfect, having a consistent theme and something of great importance to say before opening my mouth. And I don’t think my writing is good enough, or that the things I want to talk about are worthwhile enough, and I was without a camera for a good majority of the last year so my photography progress has stalled. It’s a common occurrence, one I’ve actually had before during the life cycle of this blog. But as I said back then, and I think bears repeating now,
You don’t know who your audience are – you don’t know their inner thoughts or feelings, you don’t know what makes them tick, you don’t know what they’ll jump on out of interest or shun in distaste. Don’t have the arrogance to presume that you are uninteresting to them, because you can not speak for them.
I had a lovely day out yesterday with a friend who said she enjoyed hearing about my life and my journey to where I am now as she found it inspiring. I was, and still am, extremely flattered by this and she made me feel interesting for once, so I’m just going to get straight back into it.
Recently a theme that’s been cropping up a lot is the passing of time and the lack of consistency in various aspects of my life. For example, yesterday I started a knitting project that I originally thought of doing about two years ago. My parents bought me the yarn the Christmas before last, and I kept planning on doing it ‘soon’. I picked it up this week on a whim – having fortunately received some Amazon vouchers from work, I decided to buy the required knitting needles on next day delivery. Thank you prime trial membership that I forgot to cancel several years ago, you’ve more than paid for yourself by now. And then made a start because… well, just because!
Or rather, a few months ago the camera on my phone stopped working. I think it was dropped one too many times, but whilst it still shows an image the focus mechanism vibrates every time you switch it on and as a result you only get blurry images.
I didn’t realise quite how much that would affect what I’m doing here. I was enjoying taking pictures to illustrate my posts and demonstrate whatever aspects of my life I was talking about, and I was also really enjoying learning more about photography and editing and improving the quality of my photos as time went on – as you can clearly see if you go back through my pictures here or on my instagram. Photography was fairly new to me – still is – and it’s frustrating that I haven’t been able to keep it going, keep learning and improving.
It means that I’ve used stock photos to brighten up the last couple of posts, and that makes my blog feel less authentic to me – the words are all mine, I’m talking about my life, so I don’t want generic pictures to go with that. I want you to see what I’m seeing.
Thinking of getting a new phone soon. Fixing the camera would probably cost about £70 anyway, and there are other problems with mine that I would like to resolve. Until then, I should continue working on this anyway, because there’s no need for photos if I can’t produce and improve the written content that is going up here. I’ve mentioned several times before about a want of perfectionism and how that can cause me not to post anything, even though I know that to improve takes time and practice and producing a lot of content.
I feel like I’m starting to appreciate that though. It might take time, but we’ll get there.
And hopefully have a nice shiny new camera to go with it.
I think the main thing ‘What I Want To Work On Wednesday’s have taught me this week is how fast time can seem to move. Whilst some part of me feels that this week has moved at a decent pace and I got things done, I also can’t believe I’m writing this WIW2W post already. It feels far too soon.
Which, I suppose, is one of the reasons why I started doing this in the first place. To stop time whizzing by so quickly without taking advantage of it to its fullest. To ensure that I don’t check in a month down the line and say, oops – I’ve not really done anything.
A few days ago I was reading through my old blogs (there were at least two before this one) to both gain some inspiration on what to write about and, more importantly, see what my life was like a few years ago. It wasn’t long before starting this one that I last wrote in my previous blog – I started this one in November 2014, and the last post in my previous one was October 2014, although regular posting stopped around August – so I was surprised to discover that for the most part I feel like I’m reading about a completely different person. I was extremely surprised at how much I’ve changed and grown as a person over the past two years. As much as I tend to beat myself up a bit at the moment when I feel like I’m going off the rails (falling into bad food, sleep and exercise habits), ‘off the rails’ for me now is nothing like it was two years ago. I’m much better organised, much more confident, much more on top of my mental health – to name just a few things.
One thing I did do on my last blog which I think would be a good idea to start doing again here is the brilliantly named (and not at all overly wordy) “What I Want To Work On Wednesday”, where I’ll name a couple of small things I want to work on during the week ahead and check in on how the previous week’s tasks are going. This ties into my mention of accountability in my last post. It’s very easy for me to completely lose track of time and my goals and ambitions if nothing or nobody is checking in on me or making me stop and think about how I’m doing. That’s how – just like this last month – I can suddenly stop and realise that it’s been over three weeks since I last did any consistent exercise, despite feeling like I’d just taken a day or two off.